An Introduction

Hi there!
If you've stumbled across this, chances are you probably know me personally. If not, welcome new friend! My name is Jessica.

That's me!

I am 31, with a complex life.

This is not my first venture into the world of blogging. I have had several since...well...the internet started 👀

My previous one started off as an attempt to keep track of my last pregnancy, which was my third and final...and happened to be twins. I updated pretty frequently through that pregnancy, and into the year following the birth of my twins. I became very busy, being a mom of four boys. Speaking of my boys...

From left to right, Jaxon, Christian, Gavin, Aiden

All things progressed in a normal way, with occasion blog posts- until September of 2017. My mom- my best friend- passed away completely unexpectedly. My world was rocked, my heart was broken. To get some of the all-consuming grief off of my  chest, I returned to the same blog I had before.I updated on a fairly regular basis, while I figured how to do life without my mom. 

Life changed dramatically. My dad tried to pick up the pieces, we talked every day after my mom passed.  He was so heartbroken. We tried to lean on each other as best as we could. Life never really returned to normal, but we were starting to become accustomed to living our lives without her...

Until February of 2019. My dad passed away suddenly. 17 months after my mom. As you can imagine, I was beyond devastated. I still am. I am still healing. 

It has taken me a year to get to the point to be able to speak about my dad. For some reason, his death hit me in ways I was not expecting. My mom's death was incredibly difficult...It still is. But almost right away, I was able to speak about her, and vocalize my feelings about her being gone. After my dad died, any mention of him was a sharp, stabbing pain in my chest. I would cry, almost instantly. I sought out therapy for a while, which did help...but I had this wall up. I couldn't look at pictures, I couldn't watch videos without totally and completely breaking down. I felt stuck. 

Luckily I have a lot of support. My husband of (almost) 10 years stepped up to the plate and helped keep my thoughts in order. He was, and continues to be, my rock. 

Phillip and I on Valentine's Day 2020

I also had so many friends hold me up, especially directly after the death of both of my parents. I am very lucky to have so many friends care about me, that check in on me, and genuinely want to see me do well. Crippling self-confidence issues sometimes make it difficult to see and accept that those people love me, but I am working on that.

These girls have helped me more than they even know. 

Working on myself brings me to my real, driving factor for creating a new blog. January 1st 2020, I started the keto diet (again). I had done it for a short while in the beginning of 2018, with a loss of about 40 pounds. Unfortunately, after a trip to Michigan for a yearly music festival that I attend (more on that in upcoming posts!), I "fell off the wagon", and gained all of that weight, plus more back. My weight has always been an issue for me. I have always been a bigger girl. Even in high school, when I was most active- playing soccer basically every day, I was always bigger than most of my peers. It has a huge role in how damaged my self confidence is, as I have always attributed beauty to being thin. My logical brain knows this information to be false, but...I don't listen to that logical side very well. 😉

In October 2019, I took myself to the local clinic with what I thought was a cold. My kids and my husband all had the sniffles and a cough/congestion and I assumed that's exactly what was going on with me. Hoping for antibiotics, I went in. What I didn't know, was that my shortness of breath was actually the start of congestive heart failure. I drove myself (!!!) to the emergency room after the clinic found my blood pressure to be off the charts. Upon arrival, in addition to the incredibly high blood pressure, which prompted the heart failure, I also had fluid in my lungs. And then, my kidneys started to shut down. It was...a pretty dire situation. To the doctor's credit, no one ever told me that it was a direct cause of years of obesity. Although, it was pretty clear that it was. That, and years of my blood pressure being untreated. I was admitted to the ICU, and then transferred to a normal room once my blood pressure was somewhat under control. We managed to find a cocktail of medications that helped keep it down to an acceptable level, and I was discharged. I got through the holidays with my new medicines, and I knew that my New Year's resolution was to do something to lose weight and become healthier. 

So, I started up on keto again- and for some reason, this time around, I am incredibly motivated. As of today, February 21st 2020, I am down just under 20 pounds. I am down a full pant size and a full shirt size, as well. I have been going to the gym consistently (the front desk worker remembers who I am now!), and I see no end in sight for me when it comes to this new way of life. 

My intentions for this blog are to be able to write about my weight loss journey, so maybe I can stop pestering my coworkers and my friends with whining about missing the foods I used to eat. 😂 I also want to be able to come here and write down whatever random little thoughts I have throughout my days, to reminisce about my parents, to brag about my kids, to gush about how excited I am for Electric Forest (that yearly festival I mentioned), and anything else that may need to get out of my headspace and onto the internet for all of my friends, family, and total strangers to read. 😁

Thanks for sticking around this long. I'm excited to start this adventure, and I hope you enjoy reading about my life! 

Love Always, 

Jessica